War Makes Beasts of us All
by bakedpotatocat

CHAPTER SIX: ACCULTURATION

==> Be Vriska Serket.

Fuck, your head hurts. You must have slept for a while, because it’s dark outside, and you’re on an unfamiliar couch. Where are your friends? You groan and try to sit up and ohhhhh fuck your blood is back to your head now, that’s not fun. You must have gotten your shit rocked by something. There are bandages on your face where something else used to be… your eyepatch? Yeah, that was it. There’s gauze where the eyepatch was, and it wraps around your head, tucked under your hair. An older troll you’re pretty sure you haven’t met before walks in, mopping her hands on an apron stained with what looks like your blood.

SWIFER: oh, good, sleepin beauty’s awake.

VRISKA: Sorry, who are you?

SWIFER: name’s swifer. i’m an old friend of karkat’s.

VRISKA: That’s a dum8ass name.

SWIFER: that’s the one pass you get, because you have a concussion and aren’t in your right mind.

SWIFER: i don’t care if you’re a god or a creator or what you insult me again i’ll gut you like a fucking fish

VRISKA: Got it.

SWIFER: how ya feelin

VRISKA: Like shit.

SWIFER: yeah, that tracks. you got your brainpan knocked around pretty good on reentry, from what the other young’uns said.

SWIFER: karkat never apparently thought to wonder why you were bleeding from your eye

SWIFER: fucking dumbass

SWIFER: and so i lay you down on my kitchen table to figure out what the fuck is the problem

SWIFER: pop the eyepatch off

SWIFER: and you got a whole ass shard of reality

SWIFER: his words not mine, i dunno what the fuck he’s talkin about

SWIFER: spearing ya fuckin cornea.

SWIFER: i was trained as a medic, thankfully, so we got ya patched up pretty fast.

VRISKA: Am i going to go 8lind in that eye?

SWIFER: fuck if i know. not too many gods get seriously injured in the first place, and when they do its usually fatal. if you were a regular troll, there’s no way in hell that’s getting fixed, but for you it might heal.

VRISKA: can i talk to karkat?

The jadeblood mutters under her breath.

SWIFER: (not one word of fuckin thanks in my own damn home)

SWIFER: not right now, you both need quite a bit of rest. in the morning.

SWIFER: if you aren’t hungry or thirsty, you really oughta lay back down.

VRISKA: okay.


You aren’t used to being taken care of. Terezi tried, sometimes, but she wasn’t very good at it, and Kanaya was much less adept than she liked to pretend. This jadeblood – Swifer – reminds you of her, in a way. More gruff, and unlike Kanaya, outwardly pissed that she has to take care of people, but Swifer does it anyway. Shit, is Kanaya as old as Karkat is? Is Terezi? You know Vrissy told you some things about them, but between the post-clownmurder bliss and the head injuries, it didn’t really sink in. Swifer notices your thoughts spiraling, it seems, and slaps a sopor patch on your forehead to accelerate your sleep. The last thing you see before your good eye closes is her leaning back in a rocking chair, angled to face the front door, with a shotgun across her lap.

Breakfast is quiet. Vrissy and Tavros talk about nothing in low tones, and while all Swifer’s movements are loud, she doesn’t actually talk a whole lot. You’re still trying to piece together what exactly happened the past few days, and you’re trying to avoid staring at Karkat. He’s… old. While Swifer just looks like an older, slightly more green-tinted version of you, with a lot of stress lines on her face, Karkat looks like a proper adult Alternian. Skin rough and dark like coal, his entire sclera candy red, and he’s a head taller than everyone else at the table. And he’s scarred most everywhere you can see, still wearing the eyepatch with his symbol on it (embroidered, by either Kanaya or Rose, no doubt, in the same bright red). One of his forearms is mechanical, from the elbow down, and its nicer than your prosthetic was. He’s changed into a pair of sweats instead of the military jumpsuit, but there’s still a knife and a pistol around his hip, and you remember that the captchalogue he used earlier was packing heat as well. He’s antsy, constantly looking out the window despite Swifer’s admonishments. You suppose you are too, for different reasons.

You pick at your food. You aren’t very hungry, despite Swifer telling you, rightfully, that you need to eat to get your strength back up. She, Tavros, and Vrissy finish their plates and dump them in the sink, and exit the room, leaving you and Karkat to talk. He hasn’t eaten much either, and while you can tell that the muscles under his thin shirt are coiled and well-built, he’s thinner than he should be.

Karkat clears his throat. You aren’t sure where to begin.

KARKAT: SO.

VRISKA: So.

KARKAT: NICE WEATHER, HUH?

VRISKA: Yeah.

It is nice out. The sun is shining through the small window over the sink, casting a windowpane shadow over the kitchen table. You think for a second you see your own blood, stained on the tablecloth, but when you blink its gone.

KARKAT: I’M SURE YOU HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

KARKAT: I’LL DO MY BEST TO GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS.

VRISKA: What’s the deal with the 8ig 8oss cosplay?

He snorts a little. You aren’t sure why you started there, but it might help you get into a rhythm like you used to. You, making fun of Karkat, and him, blowing up about it. You aren’t sure that you want it to be like the old days – you were both different people then – but it’s a starting point.

KARKAT: IT WAS DAVE’S IDEA. WE NEEDED A SYMBOL, HE SAID, AN IDEAL TO LIVE UP TO, AND METAL GEAR WAS ONE OF THE PIECES OF CULTURE THAT DIDN’T SURVIVE THE TRANSITION TO EARTH C.

VRISKA: So you’ve been cosplaying a video game for however long and no one except the other players know?

KARKAT: YEAH, ALTHOUGH I WOULDN’T CALL IT COSPLAYING.

VRISKA: Fine, then, you’re doing a long-form FLARP.

KARKAT: I AM NOT FLARPING AS BIG BOSS.

VRISKA: You kind of are.

KARKAT: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS.

VRISKA: I’m not saying it isn’t a good look! You’re rocking it, honest.

VRISKA: The eyepatch and the scars give you a very rugged aesthetic.

KARKAT: STOP.

VRISKA: It’s true!

KARKAT: I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU COMPLIMENT MY DUMBASS TROLL RENEGADE OUTFIT.

VRISKA: Are you saying 8ig 8oss is a dum8ass?

VRISKA: And also, you’re insulting my friend, which I don’t take lightly.

KARKAT: YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH BIG BOSS FROM TROLL METAL GEAR SOLID.

VRISKA: No, idiot, I’m friends with you.

KARKAT: OH. RIGHT.

VRISKA: Did you think we weren’t friends?

KARKAT: NO NO, I’M JUST… SURPRISED TO HEAR YOU SAY IT SO PLAINLY.

VRISKA: We can chalk up me 8eing a total sap to the concussion.

VRISKA: Oh! I just realized, I want a cool metal gear outfit too.

KARKAT: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

VRISKA: Let me think, the age difference means I would pro8a8ly 8e from the Solid Snake generation… ooooooooh, I could be Naommi Hunter! Smart, wants revenge, does betrayal, later returns to the side of good…

KARKAT: VRISKA, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.

VRISKA: No, this is wayyyyyyyy too juicy to pass up. Wait. Dave is Kazuhi Miller, isn’t he?

KARKAT: VRISKA I AM BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING.

VRISKA: Shades, 8londe, endlessly devoted to his on-again off-again lover8oy 8ig 8oss…

KARKAT: I FUCKING HATE YOU.

VRISKA: No you don’t, especially 8ecause you know I’m right.

VRISKA: Speaking of Dave, is he still kicking?

KARKAT: I UH

KARKAT: I GOT WORD THIS MORNING THAT HE DIED.

VRISKA: Oh.

KARKAT: YEAH. I KINDA DON’T BELIEVE IT MYSELF.

KARKAT: I KNOW HOW THIS STUFF GOES. IT’LL SINK IN, WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT.

KARKAT: I’VE HAD A LOT OF PEOPLE DIE ON ME.

KARKAT: BUT STILL… DAVE? I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HIM.

VRISKA: Were you guys still… close?

KARKAT: LESS THAN WE USED TO BE, BUT HE WAS ONE OF THE FEW GODS THAT STARTED THE REVOLUTION WITH ME.

KARKAT: SO IT’S A PRETTY BIG LOSS, BOTH FOR THE MOVEMENT, AND PERSONALLY.

VRISKA: I’m sorry.

VRISKA: It seems like yesterday that I was making fun of you guys on the lilypad.

KARKAT: IT’S BEEN ALMOST THIRTY YEARS FOR ME.

VRISKA: God damn. Who’s all around?

KARKAT: IN TERMS OF THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT, OR WOULD KNOW?

KARKAT: ROSE AND KANAYA ARE MARRIED, LEADERS OF OUR FORCES, AND JADE HELPS AS WELL.

KARKAT: DAVE DID. HE AND JADE GOT MARRIED TOO.

KARKAT: MEENAH SHOWED UP OUT OF THE BLUE A COUPLE YEARS BACK, JOINED THE CAUSE, AND WE’VE BEEN MATESPRITS FOR A WHILE. I HOPE THAT DOESN’T BOTHER YOU.

VRISKA: Why would it?

He looks at you, puzzled. Maybe he knows more about the other version of you than you did.

KARKAT: IN TERMS OF THE OTHERS…

KARKAT: JOHN RARELY LEAVES HIS HOUSE AND STAYS OUT OF THE WAR. JANE AND JAKE GOT MARRIED AND RUN THE IMPERIAL FORCES, WITH ROXY SUPPORTING FROM THE SIDELINES, ALTHOUGH INTEL SUGGESTS JAKE HAS BEEN LIVING WITH JOHN FOR A BIT NOW. DIRK IS DEAD, AND CALLIOPE DROPPED OFF THE MAP YEARS AGO.

Your heart beats a little faster. Why didn’t he mention her?

VRISKA: and……..

KARKAT: TEREZI WENT LOOKING FOR YOU ALMOST TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO AND NEVER CAME BACK.

KARKAT: I’M SORRY.

God, its your fault, isn’t it? All of this is your fault. Terezi wouldn’t have let things get like this.

KARKAT: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU WHY WE’RE IN HIDING.

KARKAT: JANE CROCKER HAS BEEN WAGING A SLOW WAR OF EXTERMINATION ON TROLLKIND FOR THE PAST TWENTY YEARS, AND CONTROLS ALL WORLD GOVERNMENT AS THE EMPRESS OF THE BETTY CROCKER CORPORATION.

VRISKA: Shit.

KARKAT: YEAH.

You shove thoughts of Terezi out of your mind. You’ll cry about that later.

VRISKA: Then the men and the drone you killed yesterday?

KARKAT: ALL CROCKER’S. SHE AND GAMZEE WERE A THING.

VRISKA: Gross.

KARKAT: COMPLETELY.

VRISKA: As fun as call out your metal gear cosplay group is, I do want to talk about yesterday.

VRISKA: Its all a 8lur, 8ut you were… 8rutal. Efficient. Ruthless.

VRISKA: Like a legend come to life.

KARKAT: IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

VRISKA: I dunno. Should it 8e?

VRISKA: Don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed, and grateful, 8ut…

VRISKA: I never took you for the type.

VRISKA: I don’t think you’d even ever hurt any8ody 8efore the game, and even on the meteor, you always tried talking first!

VRISKA: You were 8etter than me, in that regard.

VRISKA: 8etter than all of us.

VRISKA: So watching you slaughter six men without a second thought, I just…

VRISKA: I can’t figure out how to wrap my head around it!

VRISKA: It doesn’t make sense!

Karkat sighs, and pinches the bridge of his nose. The spark that had animated him when you were arguing is gone.

KARKAT: IT’S WAR. THINGS DON’T MAKE SENSE. PEOPLE CHANGE, FOR BETTER OR WORSE.

KARKAT: I’M NOT HEARTLESS. EVERY DEATH I CAUSE WEIGHS ON ME, BUT, AFTER A WHILE, THEY JUST…

KARKAT: BLEND TOGETHER.

KARKAT: I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND THAT BETTER THAN MOST.

VRISKA: I do.

KARKAT: I’M NOT THE TROLL YOU USED TO KNOW.

KARKAT: I MAY DO THINGS FOR A GOOD CAUSE, BUT I’M NOT A GOOD MAN.

KARKAT: NOT ANYMORE.

KARKAT: THAT LAST SOLDIER, THE ONE WHO TRIED TO SHOOT YOU.

KARKAT: I COULD HAVE SPARED HIM, CHOKED HIM OUT INSTEAD OF SNAPPING HIS NECK.

KARKAT: I DIDN’T. I KILLED HIM.

KARKAT: AND I DON’T KNOW WHY.

KARKAT: THERE ARE TOO MANY SOLDIERS LIKE THAT, VRISKA.

KARKAT: TOO MANY.

VRISKA: I don’t know what to say.

KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.

KARKAT: YOU DID US A VERY BIG FAVOR BY TAKING OUT GAMZEE.

KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIGHT, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO, AND I’D LIKE TO SPARE YOU THAT IF I CAN.

KARKAT: THIS IS A BURDEN I HAVE TO CARRY.

KARKAT: ITS NOT ALL VIOLENCE. THERE’S REAL COMRADERY, AND THE DUTY TO FIGHT FOR THE HOPE OF A BRIGHTER FUTURE.

KARKAT: REST UP. WE’LL BE MAKING THE TRIP BACK TO BASE TOMORROW, ALL FIVE OF US.

He stands up to leave, and he looks so tired, so heavy, with the sins he carries always on his back.

VRISKA: Karkat.

He looks back at you, and it’s a look of terror, like he knows that if Vriska Serket, serial murderer, thinks he’s a bad person, the fact would break him.

VRISKA: I don’t think killing those guys makes you a 8ad person.

His face settles back into its usual hardened stare, the mask he wears just like he wore the rage when he was young. There’s a sadness, lurking in his one good eye.

KARKAT: THAT MAKES ONE OF US.