Homesick
by UbermenschBodhisattva

CHAPTER EIGHT

>John: DODGE!!!!!!!!

With all due haste, John jumps backward to avoid a swift leaping downward stroke that would have cloven him in half vertically, staggering as he loses his balance a little. The monochrome swordswoman lands where he was, and stops herself with precision, transforming the sword's momentum to swing it upward and into a horizontal arc, threatening to bisect him horizontally this time.

He stumbles backward again to avoid the blow, huffing and yelping as they trip the light ferocious, one quick swing after another driving him backward. Getting his balance back, he turns and runs, deciding he is not in a good state to fight her back. After just a few steps, something yanks at his ankle, tripping him so that he falls down onto his chest hard.

John: oof!

Vriska: *The young woman huffs, catching her 8reath, and approaches at a leisurely pace.*

Vriska: Can't a8scond, dude.

Vriska: *when john turns to look, he sees the reason he was yanked. the other shackle is on the swordswoman's ankle.*

John: *he boggles vacantly at this just long enough not to get killed, and then rolls up onto his feet, brandishing his shield with both hands.*

Vriska: *She picks up some momentum, and swings her 8roadsword in a lazy arc, cl8nging it against his shield.*

John: wait! *he blocks another hard blow, shaking his arm.* stop! i'm not your enemy. *clang!* i don't want to hurt you!

Vriska: *She laughs a 8itter laugh.* Wow, they really picked a dense motherfucker for me today, didn't they? Don't you get it? This is the Pit. In here...

Vriska: *She tightens her grip, and goes for another overhead 8low.*

Vriska: It's kill or 8e kiiiiiiiilled!

John: *john yelps as the shield is yanked out of his hand. A front-facing barb on the tip of the curved broadsword grabs his shield by the edge, and pulls it out of his hands.*

John: *he jumps nimbly backward again, huffing and gritting his teeth.

Vriska: *She snarls.* Fight 8ack, damn it!

John: *john finally draws his sword, and holds it in one hand, swinging it around defensively to get an idea for its balance. something about a sword doesn't feel right. he'd really much rather have a hammer.*

She charges him, and John brings up his... hammer? He blocks her with a big warhammer, even though he was holding a sword just a second ago.

John: ...what?

Vriska: *She keeps fighting undeterred, not even seeming to notice the altered detail.

As John keeps up his defense, and manages a couple of offensive blows, he slowly realizes there are other details that are off about this situation. The whole place is in shades of monochrome - though much more deeply than the woman taking him to school. Seriously, how can she lift that thing, it's huge, and she is little. He glances around as he backs off and circles her. Even though there's a roaring crowd, no one is visible.

John: *john's mouth hangs open in sudden realization.*

John: (wait a minute...)

John: (this is still just a bad dream!)

John: *he looks across at his increasingly frustrated, flustered opponent, and a second realization dawns on him.*

John: (it's just not... my bad dream!)

John: *he renews his defense, now fighting back without fear.

John: *lucid dreaming makes everything easier!*

Vriska: *She seems surprised, and then invigorated by the fact that he's not just defending himself, getting into the fight a little more herself.*

John: hey, wait! quit fighting for a second. i want to talk!

Vriska: Shut up!

As she brings down her sword in another blow, John does not defend. Instead, he falls over backwards, and passes through the floor and the chain, ghost-style. Vriska's sword cleaves through nothing, sending her staggering forward in surprise.

John appears through the floor. Looks like he'll have to beat her to get her to stop. With the element of surprise available to him, he swishes the sword under her staggering feet, knocking her to the ground. She rolls over, getting back up, but now she is on the defensive.

Mimicking her own leisurely blows from a minute ago, he keeps her off balance by effortlessly swinging the dream-heavy warhammer in sweeping strikes, driving her backward, and now it's her turn to huff and yelp as she tries to regain her balance.

He pulls her legs out from under her again with a well timed low blow, causing her to roll and drop her sword. They share a moment of realization, and both go for it at the same time, ending up in a scuffle on the ground, but John is faster, and has lucidity on his side, so he comes up on top, pinning her.

John: *panting with exertion, John gets up, sweating, and keeps a foot on her chest, bringing the sword tip to her throat.*

Vriska: *She looks up at him, struggling, unable to get him off her. While her small frame affords her speed and precision, power it does not.*

Vriska: *He catches a sparkle of fear and anger in her eyes as she struggles, spluttering*

Vriska: *And then, she seems to give up, going limp, a dull look of despair in her eyes replacing fiery defiance. She looks away in humili8ion.

Vriska: (Well?... You won, quit gloating. Just get it over with...)

John: i don't know what exactly you think is going on here, but it isn't. look around. doesn't everything look a little weird?

Vriska: *Her expression vacillates between relief and suspicion.*

Vriska: Don't play g8mes with me, human! What are you talking about?

John: um...

John: *something clicks.* oh!

John: think about how you got here! where were you before you saw me and started attacking?

Vriska: I don't know what you're talking a8out, I was just...

Vriska: I was...

Vriska: *The shifting look on her face settles on abject confusion.* What the fuck?

The darkness starts to dissipate, polygonal chunks of it vanishing with sounds like a bugging computer, leaving the two of them in a quiet, neutral space.

John: this is just a dream. there's no danger. you're safe.

John: i'm going to let you get up now, okay? but you have to promise not to attack me.

Vriska: *Her mouth hangs open a little 8it as she looks at him mystified, and then she shuts it, 8iting her tongue, and nods in agreement.*

John: *john takes his foot off her chest, and gives her a hand up.*

Vriska: *She slowly gets to her feet, huffing and panting.*

John: what's your name?

Vriska: I'm Vriska.

John: *he grins amicably, their quarrel forgotten pretty much instantly.*

John: hi vriska! i'm john :)

>Roxy: Drag your bro to a totes safe hiding spot.

Roxy: *roxy sticks the landing off the a-stairs, pullin dave out into his shack in the cluster near the rim.*

Dave: *dave fails to stick the landing and wipes out hard as a motherfucker*

Dave: ow

Dave: ok nice to know that if stuff ever gets too hot to handle we can just do

Dave: whatever that was.

Dave: *he gets up and dusts himself off.*

Dave: so what the fuck did we just end up in the godcop wrestlebardo for?

>Roxy: Remember what Rose said about ghost auras and agitated gods.

Roxy: ok so bscly

Roxy: rose explained dis all 2 me @ length

Roxy: but im give u the short version bc i probs spaced out on some of the details and as u know she is hells of wordy

Roxy: we got like a negative energy whammy and the devas dont like it.

Roxy: and is probably dangerous somehow that we don't kno yet exactly.

Roxy: and it gets way stronger if we're in the same place too long

Roxy: so they can sniff us out.

Roxy: we do get some neato bonuses tho, like all kindsa ghosty powers

Roxy: like the stairs.

Dave: yeah i guess thats how you just appeared out of nowhere to scare the shit out of me

Roxy: yeh! :3

Roxy: neway, we should probably not hang out together too long again so that another deva doesn't come and thrash us up again

Dave: yeah i guess

Dave: but uh one more thing i guess before we split

Dave: did it seem like he was kind of dicking around instead of actually trying to beat us or arrest us for ghost crimes

Dave: cause that guy kicked our ass and thats pretty much all there is to say on the subject.

Roxy: yeh i got the same feelin.

Dave: alright well thats a hell of a mystery

Dave: lets see if we cant solve it i guess

Dave: anyway, i guess i better ollie outie.

Dave: if you want to work on that or something theres a big huge library in the middle of town in one of the hub spires thats like the official treasure trove of pretty much all books on sanctum

Dave: im not going back there right now because ive basically had enough of books pretty much for a while but theres all kinds of horseshit like that up there if you want to find out about pretty much whatever without having to consult rose or me

Dave: they pretty much have a ministry or department for everything there

Dave: a library of parliament, a bureau of parking tickets, a department of confiscated contraband, the ministry of your mom

Roxy: dave

Roxy: ell em ay oh! shush! youre going to get us in trouble with the super fuzz!

Dave: aight later

Dave: guess im gonna try out the stairs

Dave steps forward as though to start climbing, and disappears as though sucked in an upward spiral to a single point with a sound like a balloon over-inflating and exploding.

Roxy: huh so thats what that sounds like from outside

Roxy: wait

Roxy: did he say department of confiscated contraband :O

>Dave: Replace broken glasses.

Dave reappears from the abyssal stairs in an alleyway in a part of the city he's more familiar with. It's near the hub, and not actually far from his thrashed apartment. His calendar is cleared now that his apartment has been trashed, and he doesn't have anything else he has to do for the rest of the day. Later tonight, he has an engagement DJing for a rave. He's a quick learner, and has immediately demonstrated a knack for handling the turntable. This will be the second night in a row he does this.

For now, he heads into the street, and slips into a nearby superstore. He heads past the front, picks out a pair of shades identical to his destroyed pair, and fixes his hair in the mirror, pays, and leaves.

>Dave: Reconsider ironic use of shitty swords for future strife.

Dave: *dave reconsiders the use of shitty swords for future strife*

Dave: *and then decides that nah*

Dave: *he will keep using shitty swords ironically*

Dave: *honestly at this point it seems like hes probably not going to be getting into too many fights where the quality of the sword is going to matter much*

Dave: *if its just devas then hes probably going to need more than a slightly less shitty sword to have a shot*

Dave: *hes also not sure he even wants to fight devas tbh*

Dave: *like it was kind of unavoidable at the time but theyre supposed to be mostly pretty reasonable dudes if not necessarily cool per se*

Dave: *although always kind of intense*

>Dave: Get mad and smash something, preferably dramatically.

Dave: *nah*

Dave: *instead he will stay cool and slash something preferably ironically.*

Dave: *he heads to a nearby rooftop finding somwhere he is preferably not likely to be seen and starts fucking around with another shitty sword.*

Dave: *might as well get some practice in*

Dave: *dangerous adventure is dangerous and some use for this might come up.*

>Vriska: M8ke a new friend

Vriska: Well it's very nice to meet you, John. Even if you are the kind of goofy wuss who lets his defeated enemies off the hook like that. *She gives him a supercilious smile.*

John: oh bluh! what a burn. i guess i'd rather be a goofy wuss than the kind of person who gets their dream ass handed to her by a goofy wuss >:P

Vriska: *She doesn't have an answer to that, and laughs.* Hahahaha, alright. Touché. You got me there.

John: so i guess you're a real person then, and not just a figment of my imagination?

Vriska: Yes John, I am indeed a real person. And I guess... probably so are you? Either that, or my 8rain has a weird way of figuring out that I'm dreaming.

John: no, i am definitely real. well... sort of. actually, i guess the jury's still out on that one.

John: it's complicated.

Vriska: *She cocks an eyebrow.* Ooooooookay.

Vriska: *She looks around.* So I guess this is what happens in a dream when you aren't dreaming of anything? Huh.

John: i don't really have any idea. i'm basically learning this too right now.

Vriska: Is that so? Well then John, it sounds like you are a pretty talented sorcerer's apprentice if you managed to sneak into somebody's dreams on what sounds like it is probably your first try.

John: actually, believe it or not, he is less of a sorcerer, and more of a giant, kind of scary clown!

Vriska: Gross.

John: Kind of!

Vriska: Hang on. I think... this is an old look for me? Let me see if I can remem8er what I look like while I'm awake right now...

Vriska: *She shuts her eyes, and 8oth she, and the dream around the two of them, shift. They are now standing on a rocky cliffside above a tossing ocean. The temperature is hot, and overhead, an intense sun 8eats down through jungle trees.

Vriska: *Vriska's appearance shifts as well. She is still wearing her cerulean decorated carapace armor, but she is now also wearing a fashionable longcoat, a sleek feathered tricorn hat, and a pair of spectacles.

Vriska: *In addition, one of her eyes has been replaced - it has 8een replaced by what appears to be a clear, glassy, opalescent stone. So too has one of her hands been replaced with what looks like it's a similar material to the carapace armor.*

Vriska: *She wipes her forehead.* Wow, this is a hot one. And a better memory or... dream than the last one.

Vriska: *She changes her appearance again, dressing down to a sleeveless white shirt and a pair of tough but comfy looking pants. It appears that her whole arm, and not just her hand, is mechanical.*

Vriska: *She sits down on the cliffside, and sighs.*

John: *john sits down next to her, and similarly changes to his waking appearance.*

John: *he looks her up and down.*

John: i don't know what gives me this idea... but i think you might be some kind of a pirate, right?

Vriska: Ha! May8e if you want to 8e crass a8out it! Some surface-worlders might accuse us of 8eing pirates, 8ut I prefer to think of myself as an intrepid explorer, treasure-hunter, and merchant princess!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaanyway, how'd you guess that? *She gives him another suspicious look.

John: alright, fair enough. sounds like you lead a pretty exciting life! actually, you know, when i think about it, i am probably something like a prince myself!

John: my sister jane was something called the tanist back on our homeworld meaning she was next in line to be the king!

Vriska: Aaaaaaaah, see John? Now this is starting to make more sense. I see why you wanted to spare me now, even if it was just a dream - it is not the way of no8les to shed each other's 8lood. We have a more civilized way. *She smiles smugly.* 8uuuuuuuut you still didn't answer my question!

John: right, I was getting to that. see, the reason I say back home is because a bunch of us were recently kidnapped by pirates, and are quite a long way from the world we came from! and i've been having a hard time remembering exactly what happened during the whole kerfuffle while we were on board the pirate ship.

John: but after our fight, something sparked in my memory.

John: and I remembered, the pirates wore armor that looked a lot like yours!

Vriska: Huh! Well... I'm sorry to disappoint you if it means that you don't get to solve a mystery, 8ut I don't think I'm 8ehind the kidnapping! I'm not much for slave runs. They're... kind of terri8le when it comes to treasure margins?

John: *he furrows his brow, giving her an askance glance.* uh huh.

John: so... i have another question.

Vriska: Ask away! To the victor go the spoils, and it seems like it's not going to 8e too dangerous for me to answer questions for a human guy who I've never seen 8efore. We're pro8a8ly not even in the same part of the universe, come to think of it.

John: (interesting.)

John: see you keep calling me a human, and you don't look like any kind of human i've ever seen.

John: so if you're not a human, what kind of a person are you?

Vriska: *She 8ursts into laughter.* Well I'm an elf o8viously!!!!!!!! Haven't you ever seen an elf 8efore?